ISAAC NEWTON (at St. Pierre de Boatie) ON THE THEORETICAL FRAMEWORK OF SATELLITE DISHES DONE A LA CARTE I.E., PEASANT PRESENTATION
By: Iris P. Concepcion

I was writing yesterday for a clincher to my sports piece (a dormant travelogue) and was informed in the process that Marie Croissant has 100 fathers. Never mind the headsplitting grammar. Of course I like my surrogate father in the slouching back form; and the goodlooking wavy-haired one. My other Dad who is strong and sturdy and exceptionally handsome has some pearl-keeping to do that is why he was not around. He is somewhere in Pakistan doing charity work at present.

Anyway, they gave out ribbons and Ms. Croissant got points for good behavior I think and some hilarious citation like The Most Gorgeous. Hihihihihihi said my cranium. Kinder stuff.

I suggest these other tags for tots:

The most well-shaped legs.
The best tweezed eyebrows.
The deepest buttonhole.
The most amazing hands(with 25 fingers, imagine)
The grinniest dimples.
The most delicious armpits.
The cleanest ears.
The best backbone.
The most salacious smile.
The most infectious smile (gee).

On the flipside, this list is better:

The most obnoxious.
The most hostile.
The most ridiculous.
The most hair in the body.
The most tattoed.
The most trying hard (cling hahehihohu, this is easy).
The dirtiest fingernails.
The loudest fart.
The most thunderbolt-lightning laugh.
The crookedest guffaw.

Anyway, back to the story of my title.

This Newton's story is simple. At least to me who has already eaten 1/3 of his cranium at this very second.

This kind of scientist does not talk much. I suggest the Philippine Science High School hire him as special envoy to applied physics.

Here:

He cut a particular staple (food) in white wire (this was truly exceptionally done). He lined up arrows (carved slippers, wood-shaped like plane cum banca) and my curiousity certainly appealed to my sense of inquisitiveness as I asked him pointblank: "What are these for?"

His answer bore the true hallmark of a galaxy herdsman(he looks like an Ondoy victim) that I thought for a moment, tripled the brows on my face.

It is astounding; his answer. I could feel it in my throat itching.

What is it? What is it? There goes the nagging question.

Relax. Let me describe his wares first.

Apart from a perfectly shaped rice (staple) formed like a dome which he cut perfectly and which he placed in a Star Trooper spaceship, submerged in water after, he had a tattered backpack filled with bottles. I asked my number two query: "What is that?"

To the first question, his answer had the fierce rigidity of Neil Armstrong. Remember I asked him : What are these? pointing at the things I first described here.

His reply, to my astonishment, could slap the wandering passersby, had they looked farther.

His croaky answer:

"Radar."

Holy freaking s***t. He said it without looking up. He placed the order of these things in greatly- colored formats. I saw that he placed the blue slipper-radar first. He is a an unnatural old dude with a verbally-challenged, one-word vocabulary. Intelligent design!

To the second query, about the submerged thing, he replied: "Taga".

I did not catch the vernacular. I think it means "bait" in English.

My God I said; no wonder his watchers could not fathom him. It is from this croaky scientist that I truly got my lesson.

Better than the book sketches. Maker of Spiderman In A Rare Scientific Performance.

Rock and Roll!