BUYING SPACES

By: Iris P. Concepcion

I was once asked what to retain if ever the world shakes and I am requested to name only three belongings to keep.

Knowing what I know now, I would answer in this manner:

a) soap

b) mineral water

c) overnight shirt

A friend of mine was asked by a beggar for a spare change and a place to stay in. He replied that he had the last ten pesos in his pocket and he used it to buy mangoes. He does not have a house to sleep in either.

In between these debacles (only to the weary), he had taught children proper English, rehabilitated the juvenile and delinquent kids, bought them books and had them talk confidently. I experienced the results first hand. My own nephew and niece were exposed to this environment for only six months and came back with a language of their own, refined and proper. I could not have done it any better. I can only cook food for them; these guys built their young souls with poetry and quirky names of their own. Emergency mind sculpting is a hard knock's punch to heavens but the jab lands faithfully there.

What can you really write hereabouts:

Happy gay on stalls doing vaudeville skits that can emit laughter once in a while. I am shocked by their mouths though. Funny to a point, rotation of things happen and detachment to things yield more often than not, a confluence of awe and wonder.

Jack Kerouac had created characters who flee without plans, creating the lost and wasted hero, Dean Moriarty. Nonetheless, the author in the process had discovered the roots of nature, human psychology and sense of curiousity that rediscovers the world as a new paradise. Alex Garland had this nomadic narrative mosaic himself via his sea-based story, The Beach.

This is how I view this country today. Transformational in mood, this weird sweeping of campy religiosity has spilled to the streets. ordinary folks have become preachers themselves to the clear but nagging divide between right and wrong. More vocal than ever, they are making sure the message is heard.

It burst free first on print but had grown exceedingly massive. Quiapo is still rotten in some parts but the last time I walked by its sidewalks, it had become cleaner and the vendors behaved in their peddling. You can't create an artificial pandemonium to drive home a point. Often times, the seriousness of the people who had swept them clean had closely mastered this art of street transcendentalism.

Filthy their mouths may be but a Mexican bread always balances it in the end.

I never thought I'd see the day when grocery shopping can be a breeze price-wise similar to ordinary public markets. Now that I have seen the difference, the affordability to the consuming public generates a fulfillment to me. When ordinary citizens are fed with generous servings of white chocolate without smirks or grumpiness inside the bastions of commerce for free, I would have driven home my point.

Competition has brought us here. As an after effect, we were able to beat good service with a better service.

LET US GIVE IT TO THE WOMEN THIS TIME

By: Iris P. Concepcion

There is an ascension to neanderthal deliverance cum Broadway today. These girls are pliant, daring, free, risk takers, upfront and I can sense a certain fight stance that had me impressed more than ever. The rendition of The Impossible Dream is tremendously fight.

First off, there is this nod to the higher beings of music. The arrangement is knowing; it takes guts to pull them off. Understated too, as they downplay their use of make-up. They do not carry around heavy luggages of paint make-overs. I know them as spawns of this horribly good-looking 145-year old Salingerish guru with a penchant to annoy people. This group is potent when they work together. Give them a crappy platform, a bad weather, irreverent hecklers and they always pull it off with class in the end.

I mean, how can you get stressed when you know there is a a bangy laughter that shall cap off the routine? It never fails. Even their backpacks are molded the same. Even when asleep, I'd know how they shall sew their clothes or when they shall form their grins.

Nonetheless, I could not sense their unique manner of pulling off surprises. Dads are a hooty; offspring, hootier.

Actually, I hate this 145 relic. Earlier, he put out his best cabinet wardrobe and would not even allow me to touch the goods. They look super extra ordinary. I just zipped my mouth but was salivating over the deep range of textile. Especially the 8 signage of Converse stating: Choose Your Weapon. In yellow and blue, this is a counter to Stella McCartney's unique sports gear.

I think they had been bored by their Mom's plateau of contentment. Hence, they anger her.

Let them have their fun. It is due them. Mom did not link a story of one of the sons since a lot of his pictures are missing. I especially loved Margarita Fores' buffet ensemble, topping off some skulls and bones.

You couldn't fool these rugrats. Rated A stoops.

I am just kidding.

And thus we wait for our travelogue stories in Paris. Errr, the land.

I love G and the kids!

LOVE AND DREAMS ARE NOT FOR SALE (AN AD FOR AN AMERICAN MALL SINGING TOUR GROUP)

By: Iris P. Concepcion

Back in my town, growing up is synonymous with walking in the hanging bridge.

Situated in an idyllic river, kids sneaked out from classrooms to have a heyday and merrymaking rendezvous with wicked nature (this is my test: cramp in all the adjectives in one sentence---do I annoy Webster) via this hanging bridge. How to cross it is the obstacle.

This is where I got my elf stories from and the rustic imbroglio (learned in first grade words like this, including plantilla, etc. etc.) of the southern wilds.

Realistically, it is always sleepy as you can get. Surrounded by mountains and Hans Andersen tales, you could not be more cosmic than the Universe if you are a writer in this environment.

Everyone gets out gaunt and would reappear later as model-like. Perhaps, the molecular components of self had been re-aligned.

It could be shocking to people who had thrived in urban surroundings for a long while. These are the types who would cringe at the sight of roaches or snakes. But that is how you dig deep for soul in your words. That is how you not give in to swaying crepe paper in mock ballet then call it culture.

I am proud to claim I can easily spot within 30 seconds who are deeply entrenched in the cultural landscape and give heritage and history their due respect. A former President had commissioned Nick Joaquin to write about Jose Rizal and it is the best book written about our hero. Another former President had likewise dutifully followed through the lowering down of prices and had triumphantly excelled. Kids know best.

It is not that you exist to seek shallow gratifications for higher returns; it is rather seeking yourself in the opulence from lack thereof that you generate a saner meaning for yourself.

I often wonder why other people are dour and surly. There are a lot of treasure chests waiting to give a peekaboo to make this world a little livable using the happy quotient. Just today, we found a cute and small lamplight. When we opened it, there is a skull inside goofing in face. I thought it could be a good design for lamp posts (streets).

I think, when you are deeply in the know, the silliness of having to attain the world materially is funnier than actually having to throw it all away. Those who still cry over parting with some goods may not yet be ripe for redemption.

William Buffet is correct. He profits like a craving pauper but gives back like an emperor.

That is why he is the richest man in the world in terms of philanthropy.

DINOSAURS

By: Iris P. Concepcion

"The dinosaurs are no longer there to tell the tale." (Conrad de Quiros)

"Until you hear their thunderous farts." (Me).

Thankfully, when I was left orphaned for more than a year now, the whole universe conspired to bring me numerous sets of parents, siblings, relatives, friends that had been sired, perhaps in Mordor or Paradise (take your pick) that I need to deal with.

As one of them had pointed out, the benign, humorous and often times facetious repercusssions did not dent my own sanctuary of conscientious refuge. In fact, they have taken much of the platforms without speaking but are nonetheless comedic anyway.

I especially love the male ordinates of the mammalian world. They had gifted one of the kids before an elbowing and mean-looking dragon toy. They appear like apparitions in in flashes of mist, pretending to turn into dew to be adorned in tulips later on. Of course, the symbiosis here is mutual. They want to capture if I would laugh. When I do, they leave. Their missions had been accomplished. Even their birthday cards drip of Saturday Night Live.

I maintain that these writers and artists are the best performers you can encounter on Earth. They cry on cue, snkcer on cue, look aghast on cue and they even sneeze on cue.

One of the plots had me engage in biblical interactions with a woman. Once captured, the conversations always made sense.

One of the corn offspring replicated this. He was made to haver a dialogue with a beautiful preacher.

When asked if he believes men are animals, he sheepishly replied:

"He he he he, di ko alam e....," with halting laughs. Irksome actually.

Even under these terms of Godly discussions, you would always know who won.

Beware of these offspring I before warned. These kids can eat dust if they want to. They do not squeak like me at the sight of cockroaches crawling madly in foyers. They find humor in everything that they do.

That is how you live; that you wake up with the rest of the world crumbling down on you but is still at peace. You pay thousands for this in shrinks, I see mine for free.

And you know the reason why: you own THAT world and you can rebuild it again.

Happy Birthday in advance to a favorite columnist of mine, Conrado de Quiros. He owns that stadium at the Rizal Park. Kidding. For refusing to conform to the norm and for continuously flushing out the timbres off the badly aligned instruments, thank you for remaining alive.

I would love to watch this guy square-off in hilarity with that other wrestling word giant, The Bear Bull.

A word of beautiful tale: ditch the print copies of your newspapers once in a while. Our online versions had gone exceptional in content and design. Both the Philippine Daily Inquirer and the Philippine Star have superb online lay-outs now. Manila Bulletin had been there ahead actually. Its one-page photographs are stunning.

Onward, clown troops!

THINK ABOUT IT
By: Iris P. Concepcion

Imagine life as lasagna. When added with tomato, it becomes gourmet that is fit for royalty taste. For the societal quilt, this is dynamism working.

In another tale of the social macabre, I had plied Recto with open eyes and had fun looking at refurbished trophies, passports and drivers' licenses in their mediocre aesthetics madness. Gone are the bleeding red imprints in licenses. These are replaced with transparent, raincoat-like designs with the map of the Philippines. They come in blue, green and yellow. I have seen bags made out of these at American Boulevard outlets. I often wonder why passports could not be pink; I have seen one and it is striking. I even saw an oil tanker repainted with beautiful flowers, in pastel pink likewise. It brings off the gloom out of the streets.

I believe in non-repetition of old, stale, unfunctional ideas and more of the reinvigoration of creative processes.

Today, I am taking on leaflets. I have seen one stuck on the wall seeking redress against barangay officials and it made me laugh. I have never seen such a grandiose appeal asking where the parking fees go and the motorcycles. Words are formed this way:

"Huwag maniwala sa matamis na salita! Huwag sumangayon sa kanilang black propaganda! Wakasan ang pagkampi sa mga taong nambubogbog!"

On the lighter other world, my favorite mall near the vicinity and I need to spell it out now, Robinson's, has thoroughly embraced minimalism at its best.

I have seen the previously staid Le Donne and Jannilyn giving ooommmmpph to these outlets. I had stared triumphantly at the first with ballsy flowers made of fluffy fur feather dusters adorning its interiors. The effect is super illustruous. The latter has blue swimming fishes like Nemo. The merchandise has not changed; inside the quadrant is a pair of giggling couple, friends for good or worse, laughing at the impertinent shoes of the bygone disco period. Even their bargain shops have dolls that look like a naughty corn with a grinning Sponge Bob toothing his assent nearby.

The tumbling cartoon alongside it looked forlorn.

It sells Marikina leather shoes at two for P150.00. I swear to God this could rival Esprit in make. It likewise seels a slicer, touted as Japanese-inspired that could cut pieces of veggies and fruits in beautiful and perfect renditions. The guy is funny. He looks like one of this writer's Daddies and he is flaunting. Finally.

I did visit the Rizal trail at Luneta and was again followed by one of these forebears showing me how silly the productions in the past are, made of cut-outs in blurry paper mache. I had to let out a guffaw. The serious disarray of Rizal's houses look impaled beside the fab sculptures of people I did not know are heroes. This could rival the postcards of agriculturists majoring in molecular parasitism in one bookstore. It is getting weirder and weirder day by day.

This mall is truly a haven. Even with the absence of its pricey brands, it adds fun with a newer component. You might even get served by a lookalike of previous Presidents with their universal products. You can already feel its vibe of fun. You can donate books and school supplies at one of its entrances.

Its grocery always serves free samplings. I had gobbled an entire white chocolate one time just milling around it. It has a mass on Sundays with impeccable priests; and they are humurous. Go to the Girls outlet, it is like a comic book societal affair. It is all pink and dandy. For kids. At 40, I still would like to have their bags. Do not weep if you see Sponge Bob peeking out his teeth over racing motorcycles; he pops out everywhere in this arena. As a riddler, find the cutest Vans ad with my favorite person on Earth on it, being the better other, and his road dream. I know him; he is eternally innovative.

I love people laughing and people do laugh when they get out from this mall.

Again, next time, where their comedic merchandising never cease.

And the rotating flab busters are travelling here. The gyrating one I have seen at Isetann was likewise brought here. It has gone transnational. Of course, the giggle value never stopped.

This writer loves David and his cohorts. She loves most the best half though.

ONLY BECAUSE I DO NOT HAVE A TITLE NOR A BODY FOR THIS ENTRY

By: Iris P. Concepcion

Read the Hills Governance Center's book on corruption, head to the malls, visit the Rizal Park, talk to people, pinch the cuddly fat ones, break the bones of the thin ones, drink water, eat marshmallows, continue wearing slippers, scratch your elbows, smile at a siopao, muss the hair of kids, dumb the mosquitoes.

In short, live each day as if it were the last.

CORPORATE GOVERNANCE
By:Iris P.Concepcion

I was once invited to an eating sortee that had brought out more illumination than the thousand research papers commissioned for publication in our esteemed universities.

Thus,we started the interactions with a sense of purpose.

Bearing with my penchant for prettified food that is likewise fulfilling,I was asked where to get my snack from before my very educational dinner.

Without batting an eyelash,I replied:"McDonald's."

I am not ashamed to admit that BigMac is my comfort food. I was likewise fed with huge servings of french fries.

I asked my friend what brought her to Manila.

"A conference," she replied.

Curiously,I asked how much these conventions cost in terms of policy formulation.

"Each individual is paid P72,000.00, including hotel accomodation/food. For three days," was the reply.

I blinked.

"And how much does this translate to actual implementation of policies in your conferences?" I prodded on.

"We just do the papers,then recommend," replied the friend.

"I mean, actual output in public, i.e., fixed infra support and equipment?" I questioned further.

Silence. A knowing smile.

I ate everything on the plate. My snack could be a better convention outlet than a hotel billet of discussions since I could pinpoint at the outcome right outside the fastfood window. From nearby the fastfood is the fixed drainage and widened road, aimed to be replicated elsewhere.

Actually, she is part of the reform. Her office is not overstaffed. Her equipment though, are world-class. It eliminates overlapping of functions since she could operate all the machines by her lonesome. The machines came from Japan. She had made blood donations easier and faster for the needy and the sick. Yes, I have friends who listen well.

This is a Mindanao setting and I am glad a remote place can afford to give convenience to the dying and the distressed with state-of-the art medical equipment.

Of course,the dinner itself was an eye-opener. I wrote about the ambulance and the gist of that beautiful saga as an entry to this blog.

I am writing this since I am currently reading a book on corruption titled: Towards Improved Governance: A Handbook On Developing Anti-Corruption Programs. Commissioned by the World Bank and coursed through the Asian Institute of Management, this handbook is worth the browse.

It is easy to read, devoid of difficult legalese and technical maze that could be beyond the grasp of rank-and-file members of the public service.

It includes, in brief, Sheila Coronel's Philippine Center for Investigative Journalism's (PCIJ) documentation of corrupt practices.

I was bawled over by the fact that even the poet Eric Gamalinda shared his writing lease to improve the texts of this handbook.

This should be a required reading for ALL government employees; even the business sectors. It does not confine itself to public corruption but wrote squarely about corrupt private dealings. Business ethics is discussed here.

Beats anytime the grammatically-spocked funnies of the better men on the other side of the universe.

This is a hand of five-work, doing what it takes to leap from mere print blah to actual imposition of rabid talks.

I am quoting a portion of the book which is timely.

"Drawing upon our global experience and the Philippine-specific analysis, we recommend that a national strategy for fighting corruption in the Philippines should focus on reducing opportunities and motivation for corruption and should make corruption a high-risk, low reward activity."

It is a clear statement. It itemizes the preventive actions as:

1. rule of law

2.proper management of public affairs and public property, integrity, transparency and accountability

3.strengthening anti-bribery actions and promoting integrity in business operations; effective prevention, investigation and prosecution.

4. supporting active public involvement /public discussion of corruption/access to information and public participation.

It says in part that "business should work against corruption in all forms, including extortion and bribery." It further states that " the public should be made aware of what is acceptable behavior and what the costs of corruption are."

This is correct in the sense that "traditional profit bottomline is expanded to a social bottom line of firms."

I believe that Ms. Coronel's piece was edited out before or was refused by major media outlets for publication as it touched on tax evasion cases which did not sit well with powerful offenders in the past. I am glad her study had made a headway into a handbook for a more widespread accessibility.

From this, you can read today's issues of newspapers and read deeply into the stories. From there you can sense a grasp of how this is done institutionally. It is not done through peddling and connections. Societal and institutional measures are required to elevate these things into workable concepts. No particular cluster is spared. This is demanded be it in business, church, government, media, advertising entities, health sector and the like.

Thus far,I have seen some of the economic variants played in the malls. You might be shocked to find out that the previous administration had started the lifestyle check policies but its battle had been wrought in the more mundane and scandalizations of mediocre concerns.

This is a McDonald's meeting on a higher level. Only, better technocrats,more educated than myself, had drawn out the blueprint.

I have seen the culprits' faces falling in one meat section as they gaze away from the nagging truth that spiced ham could be brought down to the level of slum appetites without undermining corporate profit. I buy my cheese of a New Zealand taste P10.00 lower than the leading brand.

They look away. They walk the aisle. They return teary-eyed and touch the affordable price tags.

Yes, this book made it affordable for you.If you still complain about increasing prices, that is no longer the fault of the government.You are given the alternative choices of the same make and quality but still would pay for the overpriced unfresh products because you are stubborn.

If you can't match this vision (they reply by again, pointing at the genitals---how smart can these people be), then, try at least to offer the public the BEST alternative.

The people who do not like the President's style of incorporating these changes ahead of everyone else must take a look at the markets and pinch the products if they are truly worth P200.00.

Can we print this at our National Printing Office? Make this a required read to all government workers.

(Shhhhhhh. My Dads are very hilarious.Hear them speak please. Go to Recto and see the painting about books. Deliriously a grin. Even the Drivers' Licenses are improved. And the owners are wearing jologs outfits buying from their food stalls.)

INTERESTING TIMES

Iris P. Concepcion

I woke up to pictures of the President sharing bike rides with his exercising team. The Philippine Daily Inquirer had headlined it visually with a great shot. The continuing story and picture accompanying it inside bears the watch. It was not duplicated in the online version. Grab your papers today and look at the magnificent pictures.

Afterwhich, browse the Lifestyle section of the Philippine Star after and you see the coalescion (coalition actually) of the embedded men and women of grit who had at least triumphed in their steps for guidance and discipline. A long way to go but climb, they did. In its front page, the paper has a picture of a giant American ship docked at the bay where Osama Bin Laden was laid.

I also read the Opinion of readers sent through text about how they view Mar Roxas' entry into Noynoy's official circle. I was struck with these pronouncements:

"I advocate the appointment of Mar Roxas as P-noy's chief of staff as he is already well versed in public service having served as representative of the 1st district of Capiz from 1992-2000; as Secretary of DTI from 2000-2010; and as a senator from 2004-2010. Mar will be a vital contributor to Pinoy's administration."

Also this:

"It's the prerogative of Pinoy to appoint Mar to become chief of staff. Mar presents trustworthiness and integrity and is well educated."

This one is in street lingo speaks:

"That's no problem. He trusts Mar. Kaysa naman mga abusado or another magna (thieves)."

On the pop side, have you been reading and watching the ads lately?

Seen on a car slogan. This one is truly reared on a global platform: Built on the American dream, fine-tuned with German precision, nurtured with Japanese discipline.

If I may add the most important line: Completed with distinct Pinoy innovativeness.

I have seen a vacuum cleaner that looked like a superior car. Fit for a Spielberg film, it was sitting in one corner looking immaculate. At 2,400 watts, it only sells at P2,300.00. I have seen an airconditioning waft of cool air getting out from a bear's ears as a fat statue was gyrating to a fat buster nearby, looking electrocuted. It is called the Vibro Shake.

There is a pink Barbie monitored computer that goes for P7,500.00 and it is a sight to behold. Helmets are improvised to look like Star Wars gadgets. Action figures are predominantly viewed in a funny and pretty way in one corner.

Dolls with pretty faces the actual size of my wards go for less than P1,000.00. A burger outlet offers free phone charging to its customers (Lo bat. No bat. My kind of bat. Free Cellphone Charge). My priest is teaching ill-mannered people good manners in a dramatic way.

The malls are particularly exciting. The interiors are now renewed to maximize in a minimalist way. The traditional Monnakiki store of frump dresses now bear Hula pictures of Hawaii and lanais. It retained its merchandise though. Look at the new Super Bench; it has a great frontage. The Q design in one female clothing store was impressive. Am-Blvd sells transparent bags that are a beaut.

From the former horse racetrack where this mall now stands, marvel at the improvements. Slowly, things are getting prettier over there. The National bookstore has postcards of Agriculturists (funny titles) and its notebooks are of wonderful make. I think it gives P25.00 school kit as part of its allocation profit for the needy students. Daughter makes me proud. It enlisted the help of various companies. I got these school freebies one time from Mar Roxas' HQ. It did not spend on campaign dole-outs. His volunteers bought notebooks, pencils and bags. I gave these to my niece and her friends. The quality of these papers are the same in the improved writing pads being sold in bookstores now.

I slept inside the airport and engaged a non-believer turned believer in a discussion of economics. My best peace offering is a Mexican bread from Dough Joe. To taste is to believe as one slogan had advocated.

Corn kids are giving their Mom the tantrums but in a sweet way. All of them are smirking but laughing once backs are turned.

For the piece de resisistance, an ad from Chowking.

For Chowking Chinese-Style Fried Chicken and the testimonies:

"I love your style---Gloria"

"Lutonglutonglutonglutonglutonglutong----Jim"

"Pati chicken, you are the king--LMark"

"Parang chicharon sa lutong--RJ"

"Naririnig yung balat, parang pumuputok-putok---Angelo"

"No need for gravy. Malasa talaga.---Benj"

"Definitely babalikan.---Mitchi"

"Habang ngininguya, mas lalong lumalasa.---Bert"

"Tumutunog pag kinakagat.----Bea"

"Paborito namin ito sa office---Jen"

"Aanhin pa ang sarap sauce e sosarap na.----Beth"

"You are now officially my new favorite chicken----Tessa"

Do you believe in miracles? I do.

FUNTREPRENEURS

By: Iris P. Concepcion

I call them happy creators of our society in the business sector this: funtrepreneurs.

My burps reached Thailand. So far, so good.

ECONOMICS 101 IN JEFFREY ARCHER's WAY OR HOW MY KIDS SLEPT YESTERDAY TO ALLOW OTHERS DEFINE THE NEWS

By: Iris P. Concepcion

I learned one thing thus far: one who gets flooded drown for refusing to clean/dredge the untouched canals.

Curiously, only the unfixed drainage systems in certain jurisdictions were watered during the rains the past days. The elevated ones got saved.

A knowing guy who had witnessed the unfolding of these mysteries spoke about a wisdom-laden thread. He thinks the President should lean more on these workers. He further philosophized: Noynoy Aquino might as well run as Barangay Captain to fast tract the necessary fixes on these untouched roads.

There are two types of people in public governance that I had encountered in my walking sojourns. I shall make it simple and candid: those who build and those who destruct what had been built as a leverage to corner more budgets. It smacks of wonderment worth the query: WHY?

If this is done to manufacture more snack food, I am all for that. Just make sure, a portion of these profits go to a feeding system for the poor or at least ameliorate the medical needs of the sick. On a larger scale, with all the money ploughed in via charges in utility usages, I definitely would vote for people who can beautify the electric cables and posts and upgrade the blinking traffic lights.

Why begrudge the people who had lowered prices of medicine, fixed roads, instilled decorum in purchases and placed aesthetic value to goods without jacking up the prices? Pray tell, the time for yacking is over. The learned lessons are inside the malls and grocery stores. Head to these places now and compare the prices. Sure, we must form policies but let us not bilk this off from the purchasing crowd. I am proud that people who had seen the ranges had sold off most of the items to feed everyone. I saw this in a mall with ASK FOR A BIR RECEIPT boldly printed in the cashier corners. Visit Isetann-Recto. It could come as a surprise.

Conrad de Quiros had been vocal with his support to truly implement the Gawad Kalinga program. With a famous endorser on its helm, I am sure we see less of travelling bags but more posts erected down the trolleys.

I do not know. My current salary does not even go beyond P3,000.00 but my fulfillment is seeing people less harrassed by traffic, fumes and ill-mannered people.

I would like people to get rich, surely. Temper this with tact and social focus though. One could not boast of something that is invisible. It must not also be selective.

The Philippines is for all Filipinos. Come to think of it.

THE CREATIVE CURVE

By: Iris P. Concepcion

I know for a radiantly blazing fact that everyone loves a winner.

After the rather pffftttt toot on Pacquiao's opponent who did nothing but elongate his biceps, an optical illusion greets me via the faces of people. Behold and dare the butterfly stroke, everyone started to don Pacquiao's wicked moustache. Everyone wants to be him at this moment.

Not privvy to this gentleman's inner workings, I shall, nonetheless, squeak a secret or two why this guy is priceless.

He does not overpower himself. He has an exquisite flair to subjugate himself to rather offending circumstances. He always gives the hardest knock down the finish line.

He also knows his limitations. He sees people without pre-formed prejudice. It requires tact to play a bystander over a throng of buffed loudmouths. He saves the best for last.

How many times had he walked these steps ahead of his opponents by downplaying himself? You go to Cubao and it is all a knocked down ode to the mediocre and the vain in a giant parody of excessive interplays. The fastfood pictures are funny. It is all there, known faces of underground dealings. It is a good educator's place. The aftermath spun of horror and tribulations had already been swum. He had crossed it ahead of everyone.

Now, what to do with someone who owns everything big. You could no longer offer him anything because he has already tasted everything possible: good life, travels and good company.

Using his status to combat poverty, you can be assured he would not use it to mount gay pageants or reproduce identification cards as a world class job. I mean, he hates swimming pools for heaven's sake.

Throw him a lectern, he would still be peaceful as a lamb. He is peerless in biblical swaps. Beware of his words though. He could cut and cut shockingly.

As I said, he is an amalgam of this writer's group. They fix pipes, my Dad hosed down a wall through an advertisement, I saw that they even improvised an ad for a company. I mean, without pay I suppose. They make fun of people with biceps like a series of compiled butts.

They do lines this way:

"It only takes a tree to make a thousand matches, it only takes one march to burn a thousand trees."

On another note, did you see the picture of the President eyeing meticulously a menu in Jakarta as if shocked by his discovery? It is a wild take for the tickled bones.

The journalists and photojournalists alike are gaining humor. I love the transition. It is like Harvard Lampoon. Even the mall voice-overs are a hoot. It irks my ears listening to "hello shoppers, this is your daily blah blah blah". Even the mall assistants were laughing. Perhaps, they should bullhorn the daily horoscope of shoppers next time. Say:

"Good day shoppers. For Tauruseans, you shall buy a marinade sauce for your shrimps at aisle 15 today." I am a sucker for free taste now. They really taste good.

I am watching the drama series too. They are getting more exciting, with acting overdrafts and dubs that make me go..."Whaaaaaaaaa??????" I mean the better other is so good even in bad acting moments. He used his saliva in cleaning his Ray-ban shades. How else can you beat that?

Television these times is getting interesting. Conrad de Quiros should start switching that remote control again. He could buy my brand, Konkan. I think it is made from Cotabato, my home province. Its flat screen set that is normally priced at P30,000.00 is unbelievably lowered to P8,889.00. It is neat (yellow and black, blue colors with neat remote handlers like telephones).

I can furnish a home beautifully even with a budget of P100,00.00 I suppose. Sofa, kitchenware, appliances, curtains, etc. This place is a monstrous haven for great buys.

Please, can we get more Germans in? Technology and design, they are atoning for their History by making the world functional, pretty and darn affordable. Even their bath liquid soaps smell like multiple gardens!

HUSHED BY A PUNCH BOWL
By: Iris P. Concepcion

I started today's Sunday merrymaking ride by attending a mass where mothers received surprise gifts from the priest. Roses bloomed in dainty pink with white ribbons. Personally, it is already like watching the Elysee Towers or the gondolas of Italy. It was not a forced wrenching attempt to be emotional but I would rather see a million Moms getting credit for their unsung works than me getting fussed over by my imaginary kids. They know where my heart lies and what I need and what I truly like.

It started last night as a contrast of flood handling happened right on our street. The drainage system of the fixed road worked. The ones which were rehabilatated manually with old rakes and equipment did not. Naturally, when resistance to rehabilatation is embraced, this is the effect.

I saw a sponge for flood in blue standing right across the house. It was beautiful. I see the world through innovative products now and it was one of those happy stance just waiting to be used.

With the flowers abundant in the mass proceedings, I know where the lineage of thoughtfulness came from. Very like the better other to execute things that way than be bombastic about expressing his thanks.

Right after the mass, I saw a photo gallery of basketball moments with funny captions and Laban analogies. It was informative as shoes get displayed. The balls that had been touched by the hand are remarkable and way too forward. Embossed in gold in balls, I already know who the prexied players are. I laughed at the precious, odd captions. Even here, improvement was done.

I whiled away my time looking for lunch and focused on a salad. It was realtively priced lower as I chose heavy portions with my pasta fills. The fruit area is cheaper at P18.00 per 100 kilogram. I talked to the woman who paid P100.00 for her variety of fruits that looked thin but she would not budge. Filled in the green corner, it cost only P50 bucks.

The price hikes, I surmised, are regulatred better in grocery stores. It is better managed now. The buyers need only to be lenient and malleable to switch brands that are fit with the market budget. This is Economy 101 and it is teaching us a major lesson on delivering information correctly.

I asked my favorite baker, the mouse grin, where I could find a television set inside the mall. It was raining outside and I should not miss the Pacquiao bout. Apparentlly, a giant screen was installed in one of the mall wings. I went there with my salad and bread. I stood, watching the fight from the back. It was funny but a riotous sports orientation. They should have done this in coliseums. For free.

The commercials took a dig at past ads with non-mentionable credits; I could not help but feel gagged over their sub-par renditions. The audience was animated. The blue girl in tight dress with wild hair stood out from among the crowd.

First off, I knew that Manny Pacquiao shall win this bout even with my eyes closed. There is the battle of short design. Pacquiao had the imaginative signages, with letter M remarkably embossed in his blue jersey. The Nike logo was on his butt as if proud to have been approved by the Bureau of Butts and Industry. His belt, in optical illusion had a COA word. Or perhaps, I am getting cross-eyed. He wore yellow gloves and he looked colorful and happy even without throwing a jab.

His opponent is a joke. I do not know how they could have pitted this guy with an enormously better and prized fighter. He looks mean, alright, but he never traded punches with the Top Guy. He just sported that pouty look all throughout. Image here is nothing. Footwork does it.

It is expected that MP just played around with his opponent, wanting him to last and test his endurance. A woman stood beside me to subtly heckle and I just had to deliver my spiel. I told him, Manny Pacquiao can get by without food; he had been fed with scrap and had been taunted with chicken parts and all sorts of tummy taunts without folding up. His arch enemy, meanwhile, are routinely fed with protein from well-placed restaurants.

He prevailed because he is disciplined. Like the old woman who regularly visits me for spiritual discussions, this guy knows what poverty is and is deeply rooted in that without straying. Talk about class. Of course, he is a microcosm of the better other, a valued friend and the corn kids. Even the voice-over commentators confirmed my hunch. Nobody messes around with David. Not even Goliath.

Pacquiao's mentors are exceptionally focused. They never waver. You could not even see them twitch. In fact, unlike his opponents whose forte is merely yelling and parading their biceps, these guys impart the art of timing, good manners and patience.

In the end, this is how a battle is won, fair and square. It is not about misplaced aggressiveness; it is all about silent determination that aim to deliver results. Only results.

PROVERBIAL PROVERB

By: iris P. Concepcion

Deep in the chattering lurks of the night (sfx mix), the woman holds in abeyance her wild thoughts and believes that the world is killed by Valium, adrift in silence. Everyone sleeps, the planet stopped revolving, everything is still.

Then came a taunt.

The hobbits left the world to doze off while they huddle in neat packs, i.e., file of chocolate sticks with large eyes eating themselves slowly to combat slumber.

The taunt got zapped by a speech that is fiery. Lifted almost from Dead Poets' Society, the defense guy started spewing sentences without periods. He had imagined his foes before with wigs and heckled them with fruity adjectives.

The woman snickered. They never sleep.

Them white-butt storm troopers blistered through carousel skies, using all the dictionary words available as armory. They never lose.

These people would laugh at titles like "How to Read Poetry" (true, priced at P1,490.00) With a rather quaint cover of a woman sitting in a meadow holding a book. Something is wrong with it.

How does one read poetry indeed. The peddled book aims to answer the queries: "What is poetry?", "How does it differ from prose?" and "What exactly is imagery?"

Screw my foot, pardon me. I read my poetry by spine and thigh.

If I can sense that my nose already breeds hairs because of a sentence "denouement and death, locked/ keyed/sealed/", that is not exactly imagery. That is a whole film noir in macabre canvass.

I am perhaps a retard for seeing the humor in it but at P1,500.00? I may have obliged myself a chance to keep pace with Norton semantics and eat scratch for meals.

Another flat-out laugh came from a prized musician who was mimicked in keyboards by a peeping boob guy. The guy who was looking at his notes had the face of a dishevelled analyst. It was a guffaw. The playing was awful; the flutist emitted not notes but melodic farts.

I love the flutist just as I love Tarzan. The eldest loves this guy and so does this Mom.

How about you reader, where do you get your comedy from?

Mine is unconventional: billboards, malls, mass and even from housewares.

Just a minute ago, a guy was selling me his hand saw (in blue and yellow) and it looked heady and brilliant. At P100.00, this could wreck a lot of houses. Or it could be a nice fixture in a Texas Massacre film.

Can I cut the better other's hair with this lagare?

Very Wes Craven. If you put Pepe Smith into the fray, expect a dawn chortle outbreak.

Deliriously Crazy People In The Wild Side Of The City.

LANGE de BATEAU

de DRAGON ALIAS

KENG HUA PAPER PRODUCTS CO., INC.

By: Iris P. Concepcion

Caveat: Read today's fine prints of both the Philippine Star and the Philippine Daily Inquirer. The latter had dropped its laidback reportage and was invaded by a Koalan bear I suppose. It is magnificently written. Hilarious, incisive, journalist's find. All stories on Bin Laden made me grin.

On to my site:

Is there really a price increase or is the Department of Trade and Industry embalming those who dare jack up the prices when I am around?

Consider these factors:

1.) I bought two huge Mexican and Honey Schlong (a fat hotdog X'ed in honey bread) that can go P150.00 in a pricey outlet. I got mine just above P50.00 When the lady beside mepaid P300.00 for her sick-looking wheat counterparts, I looked up above and saw God wink at me.

2.) The notebook I am writing on used to be thin and small. At P6.00, it is already a steal. Now still at P6.00, it becomes a Lecture Notebook and is as thick as my stereodized forefinger. It is already robbery. I saw that it was pegged at P8.00 before. Someone erased the pencilled tag price and lowered it to P6.00 knowing that I would still haggle even for a measly P2.00 rebate.

3.) My cornbits, going P10.00 in an average store, went down to P2.00 in a stall that likewise dispenses bread with peanut butter at P7.00 and hotdog sandwich at P11.00. Ridiculously low that I chatted with its cheeky-healthy owner. He has a booklet with a list of those who owe him. I mean, he gives credit even to strangers for Superman's sake. What an idiot. At P14.00, you can have gourmet coffee PLUS peanut butter sandwich. Idiots, I say. IDIOTS!

4.) Dried ice-cream in microwavable container at P25.00 is not only ludicrous, it is freakingly ghoulish and mousy. Why don't these guys throw their kitchen sinks instead? The serving is huge; it looks horrendously upscale. My estimate: somewhere in Copacabana hotel or thereabouts, I can tag this between P500-P600.00. I'll say it is from Denmark or the Alps.Taste: Galactically yummy.

5.) A bracelet for free. A friend who went to Thailand gave it as a gift. It is a thing of beauty and a joy eternally.

The key to finding lower prices is to comb the groceries and markets. Variations are good. Loyalty to certain products even when they are already atrociously priced is already considered obnoxious. Malls had been invaded by tag busters. I love looking at the faces of buyers who could not accept that, yes, prices could drop low and their manufacturers can still maintain a certain margin of profit. I went to buying places normally regarded as expensive and was shocked to know they had been opened to other products for more selections. Monopolies are slowly dismantled that allowed peddlers to make quality products. I am extremely happy over this. Water that is labeled at P13.00 is just P5.75 in my favorite mall. I wish portions of this cartel-like cornering before produced quality books or truly imposed the feeding programs for the poor. It does pay to be circumspect.

They are earning though. These are the businessmen who gave back to society its much needed social ameliorations. It translates to their happy and affordable products. They are, moreover, fresh and do not shortchange people.

On to more serious concerns of the republic. I do vouch that Master Yoda, the prexy himself, likes to have a laugh with the underlings. Once the emergency light is on, everything breaks loose. Even a simple "tuyo" goes "Wow Fresh Pinoy Tuyo". In glass. I saw a discarded soap packaging of "Irish Spring, Original" when I am feeling so stinky. It smells like Dolce and Gabbana. Some of his guys are portrayed as messy but upclose, their hair smell good, their aftershave is pleasing to the nose. Some garlic bread do leave a stench on our mouths. When I bought my strawberry marshmallows though, the kids' breaths turned prairie. Like flowery meadow. We took turns in opening our mouths and smelling each other's breaths like "ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhh" and we spoke unanimously: "Glory to God in the Highest." Our mouths do not smell like a flooded canal. This is a funny routine. We are obssessed with out mouth smell. If you eat chocolates, your breath smells chocolate.

This shall have an Episode 2. Wait for it.

Grin.

(Written the day after)

Spiderman's creator is wicked. He makes me sit beside people who smell like they had been sun-drenched for 40 days. I had to do my part. I offered the public utility driver my Marshies, looking sweet as ever. Of course, I know I would be refused. Still, I persisted. Baiting me to get mad, I showed him my "Gold Label" pork luncheon meat, wildly packaged. He was eyeing my grocery bag with a dirty look. I told him, |"What color is this?"

He saw it and would not reply. I again asked: "What color is this?"

Still no reply.

I said: " That's green."

On cue, a recently favorite grocery stall emerged and I spoke loudly: "_______(name of grocery store), Q.I. branch."

I thought he was going to kill me. Braving the harangue, I said furthermore:

"That's endorsed by the President's sister."

Pause.

"And those Eat Bulaga people."

He never said another derogatory remark again.

God does speak in mysterious ways.

If he says what I am eating is steak, you just need to believe Him.

So steak it is, and steak it shall be.

In fact, I had been escorted to a Hollywood area of egaletarian remembrances. A doctor specializing in fractured bones showed us, the gang of four, to his clinic. I am not a medical specialist but I know how to spot cool curing gadgets. I saw one X-ray machine that could have been a fixture in a futuristic A.I. prologue. Blood samples are tested in what appeared like wonderful miniatures of R2D2. We were all driven by God to comb through His creations and I need to thank these practitioners for fulfilling their missions on time according to His will. I actually harrassed this doctor in the past to stage medical missions in the hinterlands. He did. I told him if it was fulfilling. He said: "Much. Much more."

He has a sense of humor and so does Master Yoda/Prexy. I commented that some of the medical rooms looked like sauna baths. It is not hard sell; we chose a plant to place ourselves in during the picture-taking in a V.I.P. room. It was too goddamn hilarious and unnerving except for the Maning Borlaza painting given to the friend by hand. We also had our picture taken with a skeleton.

I could not stress enough the black comedy of these untrodden paths of creative interactions. We entered a Chinese restaurant that was quite off mark outside but a gargantuan and visual fare inside. Believe me, I am IN a Wong Kar Wai film and the dining habits got weirder and weirder.

The food is terrifyingly excellent. Even the contrast, subtly played. Bird's nest tasted better than this brown soup with unidentifiable ingredients.

We cried over kneeling pads in churches finally constructed. I shed tears over regaling my "bagoong" kid eating it like caviar. And I remember mostly the guy I had asked to have my french fries eaten as he cooked his dinner by the sidewalk.

How can one think of gluttony at this time? How can we eat much when hunger pervades?

When the tab came, I need to ask Master Yoda how much the meal of four (Apat talaga kami) cost in excellent buffet taste.

Answer: "Below P1,000.00."

That, my friends, is the reason why the balancing act can have this and your beautiful roads and structures get erected.

That is the true story of the Hongkong sojourn, magnified like a sin but nonetheless need be truthfully woven.

These guys know how to budget, save and tease each other how to treat people correctly and with dignity. I got all the waiters' tips by eating.

By the way, we rode in an ambulance in going there. My butt got hurt by the thick chair wrapped in cloth. The blue one was soft though and was far more comfortable.

Son, improve the interiors of the ambulance and do not use it for your leisure trips. I shall kill you if you do. In the words of a jeepney slogan: "Esnabiro."

Welcome to Circus 101. I own the famous franchise to this milky parade. Slowly, the products are getting varied. And funnier to look at.

Mr. Siomai is doubling, tripling in multitudes. At least the better other can now afford to give me P2.00 instead of P1.00.

My titles are actually:

a) a name of a hopia brand

b) manufacturer of my notebook

If you ask me where I get my salary from. I retort: "God (who is generous, I can vouch but for the RIGHT reason) since He owns everything, my parents and my kids."

Those that make me cry came from the kids who I know do not have much but who apportion their savings since they weep seeing stale food fed onto the mouths of the hungry. Even at P50.00 to P2,000.00, the satisfaction it gives me could not compare with the millions boasted in banks by their tormentors.

This is all for you. And yes, I am employed by the Universe.

This is my job.

P.S. Thanks to the sisters for yapping for me when I was harangued in jeepneys today. Good speech too.

ER-PORT IN G-STRING
By: Iris P. Concepcion

I sit here, doe-eyed, droopy in full battle X-gear looking at the arriving passengers at the NAIA 3 Terminal.I already have a vision of what my column shall be in the mainstream. It shall deal about airports and its people. It must also touch on security, check-in counters and information service.

I was in a huddle with an amiable guy who was munching lunch in his cute rice box. We were inside an airport convenient store. I was gorging on my super Japanese noodle bowl with chopsticks (freely provided) and a raspberry muffin I had bought outside.

I asked hot water for my noodles even if it was not purchased inside the terminal. The guard did not refuse me.

I was given two scenarios of airport maintenance and I was having a heyday contrasting the services.

The one I assisted for send-off had to pay his travel tax amounting to P1,600.00 which she needed to take outside from her queue.

Tip Number One: If buying ticket online, make sure the ticket already includes the required travel tax. It could not be hidden like a thorn in some stale weed. That is the old, terminal way. Even the porter here was laughing at the stupidity of hauling off bags in hotel-like trolleys when he could basically tiptoe on the shorter route via skates t the check-in counter. Here, the distance between the X-ray machines and the check-in counters is just like the gap between the two holes of your nose.

I think they are rendering the ubiquitous and circuitous manner of travelling with steep service fees irrelevant.

And they did.

There is even a plastic, wrapping package for bags that are meant to protect from thieves. I think it is useless since these plastic wraps may be knived through still when zippers are wrecked. It is likewise unappetizing as the bags looked mummified in an Egyptian, corpse-preservation manner. They charge 200 for this kind of atrocious service. L and M service, on the other hand, has this storage for bags replete with CCTV cameras that you pay for half the price.

The porterage buzz dramatically re-enacted on other terminals became a hilarious slide for me as the porters saw the futility of bilking the arriving passengers when they can conveniently handle their own baggages via trolleys located just near the X-ray machines.

I think, the airport is like a market place; a mall. You can peddle anything to the waiting passengers. They would be putty in anyone's hand. It would not be bad paying the unseen tax if it likewise offers sandwiches that do not go beyond the price of P50.00 though.

Thus I pondered: this is a good column where to take off the scribbling output. Airports and its people.

I yapped, unimpeded, to the beautiful work of balance in this area.

When the young 'uns manned the OFW and Tourist centers, they only fielded one person to answer the requests of even 50 inquiring tourists. That effective.

Besides: one of the best-tasting baked macaroni and palabok, I tasted here. Even the fruit salad tongued like Switzerland.

I was asked why I am familiar with the area. I told my good friend: "I live and work here."

And I shall write literature circling around its rotating conveyors.

Sniggers.