de DRAGON ALIAS
KENG HUA PAPER PRODUCTS CO., INC.
By: Iris P. Concepcion
Caveat: Read today's fine prints of both the Philippine Star and the Philippine Daily Inquirer. The latter had dropped its laidback reportage and was invaded by a Koalan bear I suppose. It is magnificently written. Hilarious, incisive, journalist's find. All stories on Bin Laden made me grin.
On to my site:
Is there really a price increase or is the Department of Trade and Industry embalming those who dare jack up the prices when I am around?
Consider these factors:
1.) I bought two huge Mexican and Honey Schlong (a fat hotdog X'ed in honey bread) that can go P150.00 in a pricey outlet. I got mine just above P50.00 When the lady beside mepaid P300.00 for her sick-looking wheat counterparts, I looked up above and saw God wink at me.
2.) The notebook I am writing on used to be thin and small. At P6.00, it is already a steal. Now still at P6.00, it becomes a Lecture Notebook and is as thick as my stereodized forefinger. It is already robbery. I saw that it was pegged at P8.00 before. Someone erased the pencilled tag price and lowered it to P6.00 knowing that I would still haggle even for a measly P2.00 rebate.
3.) My cornbits, going P10.00 in an average store, went down to P2.00 in a stall that likewise dispenses bread with peanut butter at P7.00 and hotdog sandwich at P11.00. Ridiculously low that I chatted with its cheeky-healthy owner. He has a booklet with a list of those who owe him. I mean, he gives credit even to strangers for Superman's sake. What an idiot. At P14.00, you can have gourmet coffee PLUS peanut butter sandwich. Idiots, I say. IDIOTS!
4.) Dried ice-cream in microwavable container at P25.00 is not only ludicrous, it is freakingly ghoulish and mousy. Why don't these guys throw their kitchen sinks instead? The serving is huge; it looks horrendously upscale. My estimate: somewhere in Copacabana hotel or thereabouts, I can tag this between P500-P600.00. I'll say it is from Denmark or the Alps.Taste: Galactically yummy.
5.) A bracelet for free. A friend who went to Thailand gave it as a gift. It is a thing of beauty and a joy eternally.
The key to finding lower prices is to comb the groceries and markets. Variations are good. Loyalty to certain products even when they are already atrociously priced is already considered obnoxious. Malls had been invaded by tag busters. I love looking at the faces of buyers who could not accept that, yes, prices could drop low and their manufacturers can still maintain a certain margin of profit. I went to buying places normally regarded as expensive and was shocked to know they had been opened to other products for more selections. Monopolies are slowly dismantled that allowed peddlers to make quality products. I am extremely happy over this. Water that is labeled at P13.00 is just P5.75 in my favorite mall. I wish portions of this cartel-like cornering before produced quality books or truly imposed the feeding programs for the poor. It does pay to be circumspect.
They are earning though. These are the businessmen who gave back to society its much needed social ameliorations. It translates to their happy and affordable products. They are, moreover, fresh and do not shortchange people.
On to more serious concerns of the republic. I do vouch that Master Yoda, the prexy himself, likes to have a laugh with the underlings. Once the emergency light is on, everything breaks loose. Even a simple "tuyo" goes "Wow Fresh Pinoy Tuyo". In glass. I saw a discarded soap packaging of "Irish Spring, Original" when I am feeling so stinky. It smells like Dolce and Gabbana. Some of his guys are portrayed as messy but upclose, their hair smell good, their aftershave is pleasing to the nose. Some garlic bread do leave a stench on our mouths. When I bought my strawberry marshmallows though, the kids' breaths turned prairie. Like flowery meadow. We took turns in opening our mouths and smelling each other's breaths like "ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhh" and we spoke unanimously: "Glory to God in the Highest." Our mouths do not smell like a flooded canal. This is a funny routine. We are obssessed with out mouth smell. If you eat chocolates, your breath smells chocolate.
This shall have an Episode 2. Wait for it.
Grin.
(Written the day after)
Spiderman's creator is wicked. He makes me sit beside people who smell like they had been sun-drenched for 40 days. I had to do my part. I offered the public utility driver my Marshies, looking sweet as ever. Of course, I know I would be refused. Still, I persisted. Baiting me to get mad, I showed him my "Gold Label" pork luncheon meat, wildly packaged. He was eyeing my grocery bag with a dirty look. I told him, |"What color is this?"
He saw it and would not reply. I again asked: "What color is this?"
Still no reply.
I said: " That's green."
On cue, a recently favorite grocery stall emerged and I spoke loudly: "_______(name of grocery store), Q.I. branch."
I thought he was going to kill me. Braving the harangue, I said furthermore:
"That's endorsed by the President's sister."
Pause.
"And those Eat Bulaga people."
He never said another derogatory remark again.
God does speak in mysterious ways.
If he says what I am eating is steak, you just need to believe Him.
So steak it is, and steak it shall be.
In fact, I had been escorted to a Hollywood area of egaletarian remembrances. A doctor specializing in fractured bones showed us, the gang of four, to his clinic. I am not a medical specialist but I know how to spot cool curing gadgets. I saw one X-ray machine that could have been a fixture in a futuristic A.I. prologue. Blood samples are tested in what appeared like wonderful miniatures of R2D2. We were all driven by God to comb through His creations and I need to thank these practitioners for fulfilling their missions on time according to His will. I actually harrassed this doctor in the past to stage medical missions in the hinterlands. He did. I told him if it was fulfilling. He said: "Much. Much more."
He has a sense of humor and so does Master Yoda/Prexy. I commented that some of the medical rooms looked like sauna baths. It is not hard sell; we chose a plant to place ourselves in during the picture-taking in a V.I.P. room. It was too goddamn hilarious and unnerving except for the Maning Borlaza painting given to the friend by hand. We also had our picture taken with a skeleton.
I could not stress enough the black comedy of these untrodden paths of creative interactions. We entered a Chinese restaurant that was quite off mark outside but a gargantuan and visual fare inside. Believe me, I am IN a Wong Kar Wai film and the dining habits got weirder and weirder.
The food is terrifyingly excellent. Even the contrast, subtly played. Bird's nest tasted better than this brown soup with unidentifiable ingredients.
We cried over kneeling pads in churches finally constructed. I shed tears over regaling my "bagoong" kid eating it like caviar. And I remember mostly the guy I had asked to have my french fries eaten as he cooked his dinner by the sidewalk.
How can one think of gluttony at this time? How can we eat much when hunger pervades?
When the tab came, I need to ask Master Yoda how much the meal of four (Apat talaga kami) cost in excellent buffet taste.
Answer: "Below P1,000.00."
That, my friends, is the reason why the balancing act can have this and your beautiful roads and structures get erected.
That is the true story of the Hongkong sojourn, magnified like a sin but nonetheless need be truthfully woven.
These guys know how to budget, save and tease each other how to treat people correctly and with dignity. I got all the waiters' tips by eating.
By the way, we rode in an ambulance in going there. My butt got hurt by the thick chair wrapped in cloth. The blue one was soft though and was far more comfortable.
Son, improve the interiors of the ambulance and do not use it for your leisure trips. I shall kill you if you do. In the words of a jeepney slogan: "Esnabiro."
Welcome to Circus 101. I own the famous franchise to this milky parade. Slowly, the products are getting varied. And funnier to look at.
Mr. Siomai is doubling, tripling in multitudes. At least the better other can now afford to give me P2.00 instead of P1.00.
My titles are actually:
a) a name of a hopia brand
b) manufacturer of my notebook
If you ask me where I get my salary from. I retort: "God (who is generous, I can vouch but for the RIGHT reason) since He owns everything, my parents and my kids."
Those that make me cry came from the kids who I know do not have much but who apportion their savings since they weep seeing stale food fed onto the mouths of the hungry. Even at P50.00 to P2,000.00, the satisfaction it gives me could not compare with the millions boasted in banks by their tormentors.
This is all for you. And yes, I am employed by the Universe.
This is my job.
P.S. Thanks to the sisters for yapping for me when I was harangued in jeepneys today. Good speech too.