DEFINITELY NOT A G-SPOT
By: Iris P. Concepcion

In the tradition of long-drawn history that had us educated on Van Gogh's chopped ears; de Sade's sanity flying to cuckoo's nest in his warped sense of the lurid and the macabre; the ultimate smoked-up versions of highly talkative hotdogs discussing the merits of mustard and/or catsup on them, I was posed a query on how to detect poseurs who may view history as a series of blips and selective memory.

My test is simple: I usually detect it through the language. The temporary pauses in between sentences. The grasp of a word, somehow missing on a page of the Thesaurus. There is a gap of unrecognizable stalling and hesitant recall.

I usually know it but keep the badge unto myself.

This is also my criterion in relationships and what not. The center of this blog never gets queasy nor awkward when you talk to him. He speaks fluently and is prone not to brag. He does not speak much, preferring the lunar way of dissecting things.

My criterion when someone is pissed off with this writer is also simple. When they talk about your genitals, they are pissed. When they say you are crazy, chances are, they are losing their grip on reality more than you do. So you have butterflies flying over your head confessing: that's a nutty remark. Silently, I laugh with my people, in that visual kind of build-up, like a duck quack on feet when awful visuals appear on screens. And I write and talk about Rembrandt to diffuse the mental tensions brewing.

If you take the nitty gritty of relationship building, those who have invested time instead of shallow forging of friendships can take the punches harder. They can be depended on sturdily even without the glare of public scrutiny.

I have to write this down for fellow women: when you are undermined like you are a paid whore, politely tell them you are not that. Say, "I love Adler With 5 Cents In My Pocket." I do not think that is Pegasus material but you do get my drift.

And stay away from those who are injured by leisure sports. They understand balls more than people.

I am keeping the tabs and I know who had been genuinely helping. They are a delight to watch.